THESE 3 THINGS

from a grandbaby perspective

2011-10-24T20:13:00.000-07:00

My name is Evelyn Mae. I am a grandbaby to whom all this great advice is directed. I have limitations because I'm, like, way short. But I see stuff. You guys need to chill and stare deeply into this. Bring your A-Game or call in sick.

one I am in charge here. If you ever forget that, try to go for a midnight taco run and then remember that it's a felony to leave a sleeping, teeny weeny, perfect, baby in a crib. Yea. I know. It's harsh, but I am kinda going to call all the shots from now on. Well, not like forever, but for a long long unspeakably long time. It will work out great for all of us so long as you remember that one thing. I could go on, ad nauseum, about what all this entails, how many compromises you will have to make, the blood, the sweat... the tears.... but: Life is short, I know you don't want to actually have to hear me tell you these things.

two If you feed me three, maybe four, pounds of fresh organic tomatoes when I am on a seriously bad-ass road trip, you will have to help me clean up. Dude. I am a baby. You cannot plead ignorance and you cannot feed my weakness for vegetables. Seriously. You are fifty and I am not yet two. You do the math, think about the acid in tomatoes and give my mom a call. She was not a happy navigator.

three I know that you have to have some fingerprints on my spirit before all is said and done. This is what you grown-ups do as evolved mammals. I'm good with that. You need to own it. Engage. Teach me to sit up straight, make eye contact, use my manners, dumptster dive, pass algebra, read a book, feed the homeless and manage. Expect something of me. Cope. Help me cope. It's going to take every single one of you. Yea. Even you. You didn't even know that you mattered, but it's nutty what matters to a baby. I count on you to think happy thoughts and keep your shit together. (I am allowed to talk like that on Momo's Porch of Immunity. She said so. The grown-ups can't hear it.)

Change, change, change.

2011-10-20T11:48:00.000-07:00

The dawn of another autumn in New England has guest blogger Eric Klein contemplating change in all it's incarnations. He's got some credibility on the topic as the photo he supplied of himself dating from the early 70's clearly demonstrates.

one While prevailing wisdom suggests that highly successful people embrace change, one thing is certain. Survivors learn to cope with it. One secret to adapting to change is to understand that change tends to act as an equalizer, lifting some people from hard times, while simultaneously knocking some people from their pedestals. Coping with the teeter-totter rhythms of change helps keep us humble and reminds us to enjoy the good times.

two Don't underestimate the power of the seemingly lowly penny, nickel and dime. Alone they seem insignificant, but heap a whole pile of them together, and they can do some amazing things! Get a clean bucket, a few coffee cans or even an old fashioned piggy bank and start tossing spare change in it. Do this each day for a few months (no withdrawals!) and you'll be surprised how much it adds up to. It may not be enough to buy a pony, but it might be enough to get you the skateboard or MP3 player that will make you the envy of the neighborhood. All the cool kids will want to sit with you at lunch.

three Try not to fall in love with one particular set of clothes to the exclusion of all others. While it is totally normal to have a favorite, (trust me, I had a pair of blue parachute pants that I wore until the thread disintegrated) it can be off-putting to others to see you in the same outfit all the time. Besides, your favorite clothes will start to get funky after a while if you don't launder them regularly. Change clothes daily (and yes, that does include socks and underwear) and mix and match items for variety. Don't be afraid to experiment with your style a little. A little change can be fun!

When I Was a Kid, We Didn't even Have facebook.

2011-10-01T08:21:00.000-07:00

If my parents were still alive, they would have both so totally been facebook people. The tech-support with my father might have very well killed me, but my mom would have dug this place. The changes that are happening now on the book of the face are shaking things up like plates shifting underfoot and these are the three things I would tell my parents if they were here...

one Facebook is changing and I'm sorry it's upset your delicate balance. Change is good if you don't protest too much. facebook is an evolving medium. It is a commercial enterprise and is fed by our innate need for human connection. We are NEVER going to be charged a fee to hang there because advertisers are smart people who throw fistfuls of cash at facebook every single day believing that roughly 800 million of us meet up there. They don't have to charge us, we are consumers.

Annnnnnnd, Right.Here is where we suck it up and lean into the change. We sound like our ancestors sitting around the old Victrola when they were talking about those newfangled radio things. Seriously. Change is way cooler than the alternatives. We are movers and shakers and stuff happens here on earth. We can always choose to not play or stay or whatever. Facebook is going to change because it's a fluid, not a solid. And, we are the bosses of us. Stuff changes, we have to learn new skills, we grow complacent and then stuff changes again. It's life.

two Your online well-being is so completely, totally and wholly in your own hands that it's nutty. Every thing you do online is something that you could be held accountable for. Even if you think you have deleted and erased and deactivated and disabled: Somebody can find whatever they want if they are so inclined and smart enough. Lots of people are smart enough now, so you either have to be super-duper-smart or stay away. Do not drop this ball, Baby. Smarten up about your digital resources. I trust you and that great big ol'brain of yours.

It's also a really good idea to never ever share anything digitally that you wouldn't be comfortable sharing with the world. Remember that in sharing it with the world, you open yourself up to thievery (or mockery.) People can steal your stuff and call it their own (if you're good enough and careless,) just as quickly as they will find your flaws. Survival of the fittest stuff just like Darwin, but digital.

three Any time you click on "allow an application" to have access to your information you are saying that it's okay to harvest your story. For real: Be Careful. Some of the people who build and sell these apps are making huge pantloads of money. It is their job to gather information about you, package that and sell it. It's just the nature of the beast and you either allow it or not.

At the end of the day: Don't be giving it all away. That stuff (your information and your story) is way more your stuff than your actual stuff. Physical stuff can be replaced (usually) but this digital universe plays a mean pinball. Trust few and play smart, Baby. I know you can do this.

Diana's Three Things

2011-09-05T16:03:00.000-07:00

My friend, Diana, is a middle aged woman who still has a 17-year old, bell-bottomed hippie-girl inside her. She talks into a microphone for a living and she has a smile that will make you tell her anything. She snuggles pugs for chillaxation and her kitchen counter has magical properties..

one Don’t ever despair of meeting your soulmate (if you haven’t already). Although I can’t promise that it will happen, I can tell you that you might meet the love of your life at age 40, 50 or 60. You are never too old to fall head over heels in love. The other side of that coin is, you don’t have to have a soulmate to be complete. If it never happens, life can still be terrific.

two Never pass up an opportunity to visit a zoo. Getting up close and personal with flamingos, penguins, hippos, elephants and zebras can put a smile on your face, smooth out those stress wrinkles on your forehead, and amaze you. The gorgeous patterns on giraffes, the incredible sleekness of tigers, and the antics of chimpanzees never fail to give me a sense of awe, and a renewed appreciation of the animal kingdom.

three If you sleep well every night, be grateful. Sleep is one of those things you don’t think about too much, until it eludes you. Good sleep at night makes a huge difference in your days …. how you feel, how you work, how you interact with others, and how you have fun. Too many nights of tossing and turning can cause a quiet despair to form in your soul. So, if you’re a good sleeper….lucky you! (And don’t take it for granted).

Not Dead Yet: Your Three Things

2011-08-27T10:44:00.000-07:00

I threatened to dig a shallow grave for this little project recently and have met with just enough resistance to decide to wait it out. I'm going to see what happens if I ride in the back seat and let you drive the car. Kinda, sorta - I'll be like a back-seat GPS who's pushy and has just a smidge of control. You get to provide the content and I get to be a cheerleader.

I have received a handful of great blog submissions and am now able to get back to regularly scheduled programming. Three things, three minutes, once a week. You know the drill. You know you've got three things in you - Here's your chance to get 'em out. Please do one of these. Heck, do five. I love it when you guys do this.

What follows are the three things I need from you to take your three ideas and format them to my liking:

one Please give me a good picture, that you like, of yourself. The bigger, the better - but I can do pretty much anything with anything. It just gets all arty when what I receive is too small or not sharp. I love the old baby shots of you, too. Just send me a good head shot to: moemasters@hotmail.com

two A brief introduction or bio or something funny that I can use as a cutline under your photograph. Some little way of saying "Howdy!" to the people who read this and haven't yet met you in person.

three Your Three Things. I can clean copy up and won't let you walk around with your skirt tucked in your pantyhose all day, so don't worry about the technical stuff. Just send me three things. If they just happen to come to me all perfect and ready to run, then know I am so hugging you. Hugging. You. And, as always: Grateful.

The Final Three

2011-08-22T09:28:00.000-07:00

one Your expectations could very well jack up the quality of your life. Expect nothing out of people and situations. What ever happens will be what happens. This applies to every single little thing. Expectations breed disappointment, almost every time.

two Almost without exception, when people you really love die: You will make some historically awful choices. Just know this much going in and maybe you can avoid some of the life-altering consequences that come from making any important decisions when you are ill-equipped to do so. If you are lucky enough to have a partner, or a sibling or a friend who loves you - you will have a little wiggle room. But, plan on being alone and strong and not making any choices bigger than what to put on the memorial card.

three Never stop learning stuff. If you suddenly wake up one day and realize that you haven't stretched your brain in a long time - it's time to learn something new. Never stop that business. Ever. Learn to speak Russian or play guitar or totally kick butt in Scrabble. But, learn something that you don't already know, and make it kind of difficult.

Thanks for being such stellar grandbabies, I promise I'll stop telling you stuff now, I trust your instincts enough to know that what I haven't shared - you will figure out. You are golden and stellar and will never even be capable of disappointing me. You are incredible and I love you. xoxo momo

dogs, boats & everything

2011-07-03T06:32:00.000-07:00

one Know that I didn't write these rules, they just are what they are. You will be judged by the company you keep. If you lay down with dogs you probably will wake up with fleas (especially when you're laying down with dogs whose owners don't subscribe to flea treatments.) Should you ever find yourself wondering what you're doing hanging out with people who do things that constantly embarrass you, you probably need to re-evaluate. It may always be more comfortable to hang with people who have no expectations (of themselves and you) but it's a lot more rewarding to hang with those who make you try to be a better a person. I'd do that instead.

two Try not to buy big ol' expensive toys that exceed your skill set. If, for instance, you think you need a motor boat - you'd best learn how to start and stop it before you put it in the water. There is great responsibility attached to the privilege of ownership. In the case of owning a boat: You'll also need some rope, extra life jackets, buoys, a fire extinguisher and a whole bunch of other stuff too. These big ol' toys require pretty constant cash infusions and a whole pantload of common sense. Boats also require gasoline, lots and lots of gasoline. Just know that the bigger and more expensive the toys: The more you'll be required to put into 'em. It just makes you look silly when you have big expensive toys and you don't know how to use them properly.

three There may come a day when you think you know everything, not about everything, necessarily, but about something. It's going to be hard, but you need to remember that you probably don't know everything and are probably not qualified to be the end-all resource on what ever topic it is that you think you know every single thing about. Hedge your bets, baby. Leave room for there to be addendums or additions to what you are pontificating about. You may know a lot, but you probably don't know everything. And, this is not an indictment, it's just fact. You are still brilliant, baby, and way above average.

three totally unrelated things

2011-06-24T00:52:00.000-07:00

one If it should ever come to pass, which it very well might, that you have to eat at a McDonald's ~ First: Please accept my apology for being any part of a food source that could degrade epicurean bliss so monumentally, and Second: Do NOT eat the chicken McNuggets. Order a cheeseburger with ONLY mustard and onions. They have to special make them and they don’t have any time in a warming tray. They are both safer, and tastier. (And, quite honestly: Cleaner. Pickles can fall out on your face if you don’t bite ‘em just right and ketchup is extra-gross while staining worse and faster than anything on the planet beside plant fertilizer.) I’ve also learned that one of those cheeseburgers can last for up to 9 hours in a purse. I don’t really do load-bearing tests on the time anymore because once I had a bad run-in with a Hardee’s turnpike hamburger. I probably wouldn’t stretch it much past eight hours though, just to be on the safe side.

Bonus Round! You can also order fries with no salt (if you have the time, patience and people watching proclivities) and they have to make those special too. They do a mass salting on the fries as soon as they come outta the fryer. McDonald’s French fries only have a shelf life of about 6 minutes anyways, so no real love lost. Just salt your own fries if you choose to go down that road.

two Don’t climb into bed with filthy feet. I know you played hard all day... but. Really? Baby? You’re going to roll that way? Huh uh. Not on my watch. Those could be 900 count Egyptian cotton sheets. I could have painstakingly bleached them and hung them on the line to dry. God only knows what you’ve tracked in here. You don’t have to take a whole bath, but you do have to wash your feet before you sleep on my good sheets. You are always more than welcome to sleep on the porch, there’s a blanket in the milk box.

three Don’t tease the dog. Yea. Really and please. Just don’t do it. All dogs are just about the same and they get turbo happy about anything food or attention related. But, ultimately – it’s all about the food. An example of this would be you holding out a hot dog and then snatching it away just when the dog thought he was going to get a bite. Do not do anything like this and learn to avoid the near temptation of this. Dogs bite people who make them mad, that’s why they came with those awesomely ferocious teeth and jaws that open all the way back to their ears. Please do not tease the dog.

calming down and historic scabs

2011-06-18T16:04:00.000-07:00

one Telling people to "Calm Down" when they are just clearly all worked up is the WRONG thing to do. I don't know why, I only know for sure that you ought to find something else to say in these instances. If you are, like, all hanging out with somebody who you know gets twitchy at the drop of a hat, don't be telling them to calm down. For real, Baby. There is another way that does not involve you using the words "Calm Down!" Pay attention to your loves and your words - know who is twitchy and who is not. Mind what you say.

two Don't tell anybody what you used to do. Like, all the time. Don't say, "Oh yea, I used to be the girl who brought Gandhi coffee..." just don't do it. It does not matter who you used to be or what you used to do (unless you are on a job interview. If that's the case: None of this applies.) The only thing that matters is who you are here ... now... with me in this moment. For real Baby. We have all been some places and done some things. If somebody cares enough about you, they will unearth this history on their own. Be.Here.Now. For real.

three Don't pick at that scab. For real. I know it itches and makes you wince when you bend that part of your body, but seriously baby: Do not pick at that scab... This is a universal truth about letting sleeping dogs lie, or lay or stay laid down... or something. But, if you've got some old scab that's just driving you crazy: Walk away from it or make yourself get distracted and that sensation will pass. Don't pick.

crabbiness, thieves and throw-downs

2011-06-07T09:30:00.000-07:00

one There are going to be days where you are just crabby. There could well be no one good reason for it, or it could be a cumulative effort from a million small things that you didn't even notice. But, know that there will be days where you won't be sunshine and unicorns. It just happens. It also makes you appreciate the days when you're inexplicably happy WAAAAY more.

two Don't make it easy for the bad guys. At the end of the day, when you're all done riding your bike around the neighborhood, put it away in the garage or wherever it belongs. If you leave it out front, it could get jacked way too easily. And, when you grow up, don't leave your keys in the ignition of your unlocked car. Someday it will get stolen. On the Internet: Protect yourself. Just be as smart about it as you can be ~ think it through. Just don't make it any easier for the bad guys than it already is. They're crafty and apparently have a lot of time on their hands to think up new and clever ways to upset your applecart.

three People who love each other will have disagreements. The greater the love, the greater the pain and the bigger the throw-downs. There could be slamming, stomping, swearing and tears. Probably. Maybe. That doesn't mean that it's time for you to bail. Learn to fight* fair and don't sucker-punch the people you love (and who love you) most. Get over it and iron out all the wrinkles as soon as you can. Anything worth having is worth fighting for.** And, conversely: If you find yourself on the front porch of a fight but you don't really want to burn the calories on it: It's probably not worth it to you and you need to cut ties and walk away.

*Fighting should never ever involve physical contact. I'm talking about disagreements here. IF anybody ever hits you or bites or kicks you: RUN AWAY, little baby.

**I say these things like I know or have tested the theories. I have personally never experienced any degree of success in this arena, but I know people who've been together for 20-30 years, and I've seen how they roll.

passwords, moms and commerce

2011-05-31T08:02:00.000-07:00

one Put all your passwords and logons in one place, on your computer. And, put them in your wallet too. Or something. I just spent an hour trying to remember who I was and how I got here. Write this stuff down. For real. That was a ridiculous hour of my life that I'll never get back.

two Call your mother*. If you have one, call her. By the time you are able to read this, it will probably be just as appropriate to text, PM, email or post on your mother's wall, as well. There is a fine line that separates creepy mom-dependence from love ~ so walk it carefully. Her job was to teach you to fly just as much as it is your job to leave the nest. And you still probably need to drop into her orbit from time to time.

three Be Local. Buy local and go to the stores that your neighbors own and buy the goods that come from the people you know. Spend your hard-earned dollars in places where you know the merchants. I know it would just be easier to go to Walmart, but you don't have to. Your neighbors have almost everything you need and they are just as hungry as you are. They will gladly trade you goods and services for money. Keep your money in the neighborhood, y'know?

* "Mother" in this case does not necessarily mean your mom, but is rather a generic kind of term for whoever has provided maternal nurturing and made sacrifices on your behalf to ensure that you didn't grow up to be feral, thoughtless and embarrassing.

speaking, stuff and sinks

2011-05-24T06:48:00.000-07:00

one Learn to stop speaking. Do not over-sell. If you pay attention, you can see the very moment that somebody gets it. You don't always have to have the last word. Quit selling sometimes. Have faith in the fact that every once in a while you really will have the best idea ever and you won't need to dress it up in it's Sunday Best to get others to agree.

two Know that everything could be gone in a heart beat. Look around: All of this that you see could just as easily vanish as not. So, please, try not to hinge your well-being on the things that surround you. They are all transitory. One good flood, tornado, earthquake, fire or hurricane and they are all gone. All Gone. Like, permanently. I know it sounds trite, baby ~ but all that really matters is the people you are able to surround yourself with and the love you are lucky enough to give and receive.

three If your sink starts to smelling funky for unknown reasons (it's not really a mystery, there's probably some funk in the trap) just get your Arm & Hammer baking soda out and shake a couple poofs into the offensive area and follow it up with a slug of vinegar. It can be any kind of vinegar, but not too much of it. It will foam up like a volcano (which is, admittedly, extremely cool) and wash the smell away for a minute or two. You will eventually need to get under there and take that trap out, but this should buy you some time.

honor, discretion and skepticism

2011-05-15T12:18:00.000-07:00

one Be skeptical. To be skeptical means that you don't take just everything at face value. Not everybody is telling the truth all the time and some things aren't really what they seem. We all only have this one filter through which to see stuff and we all see different stuff. Just know that if you really want to believe something or trust in someone ~ You need to be grounded in respect for the process. Do your research, don't compromise and never forget that anything can be Photoshopped in and digitally enhanced. Where a picture used to be worth a thousand words, it is now worth about $399.

two Be discreet. You could very well be one of those people to whom complete strangers will walk up and share their most intimate secrets. They will tell you incredible stories full of rich details. These stories will be sensational; they'll make you laugh and cry and laugh till you cry. Sometimes, they'll keep you up at night. You don't need to be sharing what you hear with anybody else. It's an unwieldy power ... this thing that makes us hear stories. Just because you know it doesn't mean you have to share it. (Unless it's especially brutal and could be changed by the telling.) Discretion is the better part of valor.

three Be honorable. Do the right thing. For real. I know I've said it to you here before, but I haven't specifically said this: Be True and Strong. Yes, with capital letters. Do what you say you're going to do and don't do what you say won't. Respect your elders, don't cuss or spit or chew gum in public or talk on your cell phone while you're waiting on somebody. Clean your plate and eat what you're given. Pick up your clothes and help out whenever you can. Make eye contact, smile from your heart and have a good handshake (or handshake/hug combination.) Learn to write legibly and honor your commitments. Think happy thoughts (as much as is possible.) Don't take advantage of people or situations, and know, little baby, that if you don't play nice and I'm up in heaven (when you are an old, old person ... like 30 or 35) - I'll see every little thing you do. I know you know what I'm talking about here. Baby, be good.

honesty, boot straps and that tone

2011-05-08T09:10:00.000-07:00

one Say what you mean and mean what you say. If there is someone whom you can just barely stand to be around, find a kind way to permanently excuse yourself from spending time in their company. You shouldn’t have to be a jerk about it, but the longer you allow a relationship to grow, the harder it is going to be to extract yourself from it gracefully.

two No matter how cool and good and thoughtful you may think you are: There are still going to be people who won’t like you. They’re pretty easy to spot, and it falls to you to walk away and avoid the absolutely rancid taste of that drama. Get over it. They may have even liked you in the beginning, or you may have had one really great night where all the stars lined up right and you were with the perfect blend of friends. And, there are still going to be people who don’t like you. It’s just life. Pull yourself up by the boot straps and don’t look back

three If I ever hear you take that tone with your mom or dad, I will gladly be the Momo who steps up with my moderately scary Momo-voice and throws down some old-school discipline that will make your hair curl. And, don’t think I won’t. Understand this much: As I write this you are my perfect grandbabies and I can hardly even imagine you being anything less than perfect. I've just gotten to meet some monstrously ill-behaved, dangerously mean kids. While their parents are responsible for failing to step-up to the parenting plate, I know they haven't been the only grown-ups those babies were exposed to. You know what the right thing to do is. Just do it.

2011-04-17T15:09:00.000-07:00

Craig Rhodes has designed some of the finest zoos in the world and helped raise two of the coolest kids I know. In response to being harassed for his "Three Things" for entirely too long, he gives us this:

These three things as adapted by Craig Rhodes from Gary Rossington and Ronnie VanZant’s song “Simple Man”

one

Don’t Live too fast
Take your time
Troubles will come and they will pass.
you'll find love, and don't forget
there is Someone up above.
two

Forget your lust for the rich man’s gold
All that you need, is in your soul,
And you can do this if you try.
All that I want for you
Is to be satisfied.

three

Follow your heart and Lord, and nothing else
Don't you worry... you'll find yourself.
And you can do this if you try.
All that I want for you
Is to be satisfied.

one.two.three. easy.peasy.

2011-03-23T08:52:00.000-07:00

Marlo and her trusty side-kick, Tuna Catinator, are working towards becoming the most powerful attorney-cat team in America. Her insight has provided many valuable things. These three things today are some of my favorite.

Blog Prelude: Sometimes the Universe reaches out and drills a little sumptin sumptin home with repetition. I was on the receiving end of four submissions in one week and every single one of them had at least one recurring theme. My friend Marlo caught most of them here. This is what it looks like when I'm shoutin' out to Marlo Hamrick. I love the way she handles thesethreethings.

one Tell people what you want. Do not make them guess. Some people think it's impolite to speak your wishes. They are wrong. It is impolite and inefficient to not voice your desires. If you remain silent when you really want something, you will be sad, and sadness is contagious. Don't get me wrong ~ you won't always get what you want, but you're a lot more likely to get it if you ask. If you're meeting a friend for dinner and they suggest Asian or Italian, but you really don't want Asian today, don't say “You choose.” There's a high likelihood you'll end up grumbling in to your General Tso's Chicken. If you'd rather Italian, speak up! There's a reason your friend gave you a choice. While the choices aren't usually about dinner, the chance to speak up is often there. Even if it doesn't seem like it some days.

two Those good habits you're starting now? Keep them up. I am especially referring to eating well, drinking enough water, and keeping your body moving. Continue all the good habits, but especially the ones about your health. These things will build a wall of protection around your body. When illness and old age try to sneak in, you'll have your strong walls to keep you going. Really. Exercise, nutrition, and hydration can prevent all kinds of things, like: strokes, diabetes, heart attack, dementia, crabbiness, bone breaks and cancer. Plus, you'll enjoy being here now more, too.

three Always do a pre-flight reality check before you take off. Dream big! Really! Do. But, when you're sitting down to make your plans, don't forget to make room for some reality in there. I dream of saving the world! (How's that for big?) My plans include small steps so I can add my piece to the pile of effort going towards saving the world. There are some things I won't be able to do ever (like pee standing up without making a mess) and somethings I can't change (like the not playing sports as a kid). By a series of reality testing, I have figured out how my effort can best fit my Big Dreams. This doesn't have to be a massive downer, just take a second to check in with what the world is saying to you. Sometimes this means allowing enough time for the dreams. Sometimes it means acknowledging weaknesses. Sometimes it means embracing more opportunities for greatness than you knew of.

3 teeny-weeny digital things

2011-03-11T17:10:00.000-08:00

one If something online seems too good to be true, or if it appeals to the most base of all your instincts: Do NOT click on it ... Free airline tickets, "Click here to see who's stalking you," "Look what this father did to make his daughter jump out of a moving car," and generally anything that has exclamation marks (!!!!) should be avoided at all costs ~ all of these, sadly and unfortunately, fall under the umbrella of Shady. Shady, shady shady. Don't even click on them because they will automatically launch little bots that harvest all your info and part of your friends' stuff. So not cool.

two If you have your Instant Message (IM) application open (in facebook and/or Google or whatnot) and you get a note from somebody saying something (anything) about you dancing funny in this video, or the hidden video shot of you in the bathroom or whatever else makes you twitchy: Do NOT click on the link. For real. Just don't do it. Immediately shut down your IM window and send a PM (Private message) to the sender and remember that you are smarter than that. Should it come to pass that someone on your island (among your "friends") is inclined to grab to this low-hanging fruit every single time ~ you may be well-advised to let them off your island.

three Be sure to take "Digital Breaks" from time to time. Lay down in the sun, on a patch of grass or some white sandy beach, without your shoes and socks on. Don't have anything electronic or satellite-driven near your hands. It may seem unreasonable to be all disconnected like this, but give it up for a minute or two and don't get online. You can do this.

copyright 2011 moemasters thesethreethings

three more things

2011-03-07T05:41:00.000-08:00

one If you think you've got it bad (bad day, bad hair, no friends, bad back or no money) - Do something for somebody else. Get outside yourself and go get reminded that no matter how bad you've got it, there are always going to be people who have it much worse. Sometimes you just need to be reminded of that, and sometimes the only way to do that is to take an adventure to Worse-Off-Than-Me-ville.

two Some people are energy grabbers (life-stealers, moment-robbers, fun-killers ... whatev ...) and you have been given the gift of knowing this. Don't spend your time there with them because it's a catchy disease and can taint your well-being. When you find yourself keeping company with someone who is clearly incapable of saying anything good about anything or anyone: Run away. You'll know them when you meet them, just don't humor yourself into believing that you can help them embrace their inner positive side; they may not have one and it will wear you down to nothing.

three Don't use your laptop on an upholstered surface (like a couch or a bed) because it won't get good air circulation and could easily over-heat and live a short life. If you have some Blue Ice or a bag of frozen vegetables (corn and peas work great) - wrap them in a bandanna or something and put them under your processor. Remember to flip them over from time to time so you don't smell them cooking.

guest blogger: joyce wright

2011-02-27T16:31:00.000-08:00

Joyce Wright is a writer, a thinker, a mover and something of a shaker. She lives in Kentucky (but knows some people in Ohio) and can usually come with a good Three Things any time of day. Today, there are hers:

one Be empathetic. When someone is having a rough time in their life, try to remember the worst time in your life and imagine that their rough time is exponentially worse. Offer a kind word, a smile and maybe even a hug. Life is hard for all of us sometimes; who couldn't use the healing power of empathy in their lives? Feel what they are feeling and make an effort to make it better. It's an amazing experience to see someone brighten because you simply felt what they felt.

two Never miss an opportunity to show the universe that you care. We are all in this together and we are all connected. There is a saying that a chain is only as strong as it's weakest link. When you care about those less fortunate and show it, you strengthen the human chain. It benefits everyone, especially you. It will make you feel better about being you, probably more than you know.

three Give a hand up. If you have been blessed in your life, pay it forward. There are plenty of people who need some kind of help. Be that person who helps. Your help doesn't have to be gigantic, small help is just fine. The opportunities abound for you to help your neighbor, a stranger or someone you love and to make their life better. Don't be afraid to change someone's life with a gesture of good will.

kitchen conditioners and manners

2011-02-08T05:56:00.000-08:00

one I was almost fifty before I learned this: When you sneeze, you say "Excuse me." Seriously? Who knew? I grew up in a world where you said, "God bless you." I then got to be an older grown up who totally expected everyone in the world to bless me when I sneezed. You can only imagine how disappointed I must have been the first time I was in a whole room full of Jewish people. Turns out, not everybody blesses you when you sneeze. AND, just for the record: I looked it up and you are supposed to excuse yourself when you sneeze. If you get blessed, it's total cream - as far as I can tell.

two If you're in the shower and you realize that you don't have any conditioner without alcohol and your hair is a total on-fire kinda mess from too much sun and salt: Wrap a towel around yourself, run down to the kitchen and squeeze about a smidge of mayonnaise and an equal amount of Olive Oil (it doesn't have to be Extra Virgin or anything) into your palm. and slather it all over your hair. Jump back into the shower and do whatever it is that you do there for about 3 minutes while your hair is drinking up all that great oil. Rinse with moderately hot water and you're good to go.

three It is considered really bad manners to agree to a meal or coffee or some other form of social engagement and then not show up and not call. It is completely uncool to send a text or private message (email) to extend apologies long after the said time has passed. If you agree to meet someone at a certain time, you are under social contract to show up or call way before your expected arrival.

Guest Blog: Violet Love Goode

2011-01-26T06:29:00.000-08:00

My strong Irish roots mean I am stubborn and love to laugh. I always take my grandmothers advice. I love blueberries, beards, bald heads, getting lost, getting found, muddy happy dogs, photography, traveling, making stuff, growing things, crushes, recycling, waterfalls, the coast (oh yea - the coast!) I believe in the universe and doing nice things.

one Go where the wind blows you! Take it from me, a mountain loving (think green and lush) Oregon girl who let the wind blow her all the way to flat (think hot and dry) Kansas! You can’t make these sorts of dreams up. Oh the places you’ll go! Take the road less traveled, wait scratch that … take the road you would have never dreamed of traveling, plan on meeting many wonderful people along the way, and have fun when you least expect to.

two Find your joy and pursue it relentlessly. Do this daily! The endless list of annoying to-do's can wait- It WILL be there tomorrow. Your joys can be big or small, simple or complicated, quiet or loud … whatever you want; they are all yours! Love them and they will love you back. Nothing will provide you with more pleasure or help you skirt through the rough patches in life more than this one thing. When it finds you, embrace the gift fully and thank it for showing up. You may lose it sometimes, that’s okay - it’s not really lost - it’s there, right there…yep, you got it!

three Consider the worst when faced with an unkind person. Huh, wait, what? I know, it sounds crazy, right?! When your path crosses their path, always assume that this must be the worst day of their lives. Dramatic, perhaps; but maybe, just maybe they just lost a loved one, maybe their dog died, or maybe they live with someone who is mean to them. Its tough stuff to think about, but life is messy and some people really suffer. You just never know. Consider the worst, smile, and be double (or triple) kind. Oh, I almost forgot the most important part: Do NOT take it personally, absolutely never take it personally.

breaking all my own rules

2011-01-16T19:59:00.000-08:00

Me before I got a laptop

one I am only one pasty white girl born and raised in the Midwest in the early 60's. My parents were direct descendants of 3rd generation Irish and German immigrants. They were the by-products of Old School Catholic indoctrination and values. These values were passed along to me and I worry that some of the important stuff may not get passed along. You can choose to disagree with me because we live in America. That's cool. I wouldn't take ANY one single thing I say as gospel truth. This is the Internet, and it's your job to not believe anything you see here and disagree with it if you see fit.

My mom: Momo, Me & BZ

two My mother was a saint, and not a day goes by where I don't want to tell her something and hear her voice. She believed in the Camelot days of the Kennedy's and she bore a strong resemblance to Jackie. She had a tiny waist, a radiant smile and she was a Delta Gamma. Her perfect dark hair curled up at the ends and she wore an apron. She could cook meatloaf and twice-baked potatoes in high heels. She left us her recipes, written in her handwriting and they are among the most revered keepsakes of her love. She gave me the hope that people are, for the most part, good. She, dang-near, single-handedly taught me about forgiveness and survival and hope.


Momo 1 & Momo 2

She came from a solid working-class family in the Strawberry Hill neighborhood of Kansas City, Kansas. He father sold insurance for New York Life and her mother stayed at home and kept an immaculate and well-ordered home. They lived with-in walking distance of parents, aunts and uncles, dozens of cousins, the trolley tracks, the church and school, the doctor who made house calls (out the back door and across the alley) and the pub where Papa Leo could be found when it was dinner time. They played cards and sang in 5 part harmony for entertainment. Family meant everything and defined them. She was one of the five Connor sisters and each of her parents were from families that had, like 15 kids each. I'm talking about HUGE family gatherings that happened often.

JZ, The Lears: Record setting aviation flight

three My father did the best he could ever day. He was a professional success (I've been told that he was the world's very first aerospace editor.) He came from Jefferson City, Missouri and has a past that is either too tragic or too convoluted for me to remember. I know it wasn't pretty. And, it's big enough to fill a good long blog or a short little book.
There will always remain the question of whether he did, or did not, have involvement with the CIA. He was brilliant and shifty. He was out of the country often. I used to spend hours thumbing through his passport.

My father's family

He was born into a world of limitations and abuse that speak highly of his ability to survive. He was never perfect, but neither was anybody else, so it never really buried the needle on the weird-o-meter. He was blessed by being born into a world of strong and conscientious uncles and cousins. He taught me to write and edit with the best of them and his expectations both pushed me to be a better person and to become a girl who is prone to some wicked-bad self doubt.

Justin (JT) and Chelsea

four I got to help make two exceptionally gifted, thoughtful and conscientious children. They have proven that they are solid citizens and empathetic and accountable parents. They write letters by hand and they help strangers. They live life large and in meaningful ways. They're capable and kind. And they never fail to either make me crack up or get button-bustin' proud. They have given me grand babies, and I can only tell you that the love is exponential. I keep thinking my heart can't get any more full, and then it does. I don't get to see the babies often and I want to make their worlds easier than mine and my parents. And truthfully - they're still too young to get it, and I don't want to forget it before they'll get it. Nor do I want to bore 'em with it when we could be swimming or somethinng.

There. That's my street cred and history. I am thinking it will give you some insight into why I am here and doing this. Hope your winter rocks out loud, and let me know when you disagree with me OR if you would like to be a guest blogger. I love learning what other people think. And, for whatever reasons: People just keep sharing things and stories and laughs and tears with me ... and I think they are all pretty fantastic.

Guest Blog: Rachel H. Bailey

2011-01-10T12:44:00.000-08:00

Rachel Haskins Bailey is a fellow post modern contemporary gypsy and a good friend. She always makes me smile and she has a phenomenal ability to spread love around.

one I'm not trying to get all down in the dumps, but sometimes? When you're really, really sad and feeling really, really hopeless? All you have to do is not die. If you can step back enough to tell yourself that and stick to it, then you're gonna be ok. Stop the racing thoughts, the sobbing, the desperation. You have one goal: Don't die. It may sound silly, but when you find yourself at a certain level of sad, you'll get it. And you'll vibe me thanks once you're through it. And you'll baby step your way back to ok. And you'll pass on this advice, because it actually works.

two Eat right. Cook a lot of beans and vegetables. Don't just push them around your plate and act like you ate them, really do it. They're delicious and so, so good for you. This is important. You don't need meat so much, eating something that once had a face...? Ew. The environment will thank you for doing the best you can.

three Smile at strangers. It makes more of a difference than you will ever realize. It makes their day, it makes them want to return the favor to others. Smiling is so easy, and makes such a difference. Please do it as much as possible.

happiness and peace

2011-01-03T05:29:00.000-08:00

one Remember that all you have to do to be happy is decide to be happy. There will always be people who need to share their discontent and test your resolve. There will always be situations that test the limits of your good humor. You will always get to be fine if you decide that's what you want. That is what I want for you. This choice does not mean that you won't be unhappy or mad sometimes, but your own happiness is all you can control. So, control it - you are the boss of you.

two Learn how to be happy doing nothing. Being quiet and alone with yourself could be one of the best ways to find out what is going on in your heart and your head. This isn't as easy as it sounds and you may have to work at it. Find ways to marinate in silence without TV or music or video games. Learn how to shut down your brain and just breathe.

three Know that almost everybody does the best they can and almost nobody wakes up in the morning and thinks "I'm going to ruin some lives and destroy things today." To that end, it's kind-of your job to mind the people you surround yourself with. You will know, pretty quickly, if you've let someone on your island who is filled with anger and poison intentions. It's pretty unlikely that you will change that in anyone and the chances are great that you will get some of their malcontent on you, so learn to walk away and let it go.

beauty, kisses and etiquette

2010-12-22T10:53:00.000-08:00

one There's a saying about youth and beauty being wasted on the young and beautiful (I'm terrible with cliches and I don't feel so much like looking it up right now) it's kinda true. (Except for the "wasted" part, I don't think much of anything as wasted.) But, you really should get a solid education while you are young and beautiful. Some day you will be less beautiful and still hungry. Get yourself the best education you can and don't ever stop learning. This is not restricted to formal education, just so you know ~ Get out there. Travel, talk to strangers, volunteer. Get outside your comfort zone as far as you can and you will learn more than you ever thought possible. Physical beauty fades but a solid education in the sciences will last forever.

two Don't be afraid to kiss somebody. In broad daylight. In the middle of the street when people you know may be (could be ... probably are) looking. Life is too short to miss any moment like that. This includes, but is not restricted to a real physical kiss. Like, on the lips. It also extends to vibes and nods and pokes and winks. If you have a moment where you even think of someone fondly, shoot them some good vibes at the very least. Send a virtual nudge or a heart or an ex and an oh. All these things matter.

three It is considered a breach of etiquette (read: A way way bad idea) to ask someone in a social situation, how much money they make. I saw this happen at a wedding once and I watched (in beautiful slow motion) the chain reaction of "aghast" that wrapped around half a dozen people standing in a circle wondering if what they thought they just heard happen really did happen. Is was one of the finest Social Fails I have gotten to see. Just don't do this. The reasons why are too complex for me to cover in less than 5 minutes.

last words screaming please.

2010-12-12T10:59:00.000-08:00

one There is no real need to scream and/or raise your voice. When you scream and yell it just makes you look like a spoiled child or a very primal grown-up. Learn to make your point without raising your voice. Walk softly and carry a big stick and, please don't be a screamer.

two Embrace and learn to love The Magic Words. Civilized American people say "Please" and "Thank you" often. When you fail to do this, it makes people wonder if you were raised by monkeys. Just remember: Please and Thank you. No need to be obsequious and add a "very much" to that, just meet some basic expectations and be polite.

three Sometimes you may just have to retreat. Walk away. Sleep on it. Make a point by not making a point at all. People who know and love you the most, have an uncanny ability to push your buttons to try and get a response out of you. It's your job to minimize that damage where you can. You don't always have to have the last word and you can just walk away.

it's all about you, baby.

2010-11-22T18:02:00.000-08:00

one Learn how to be real with yourself and don't over-commit. You are never going to be able to make all the people happy all of the time and the more you try, the more jacked up your life will become. It's not easy to prioritize, but it's absolutely necessary. When you learn how to identify what is really (seriously) important and what is not, you will probably find that everything works out much smoother and you'll like yourself better.

two Have limitations to what you'll do for others. The more you give of yourself, the more people will come to expect. And then, when the day comes that you don't even have enough of yourself left for you - everyone who has come to rely on your diligence and attention will be all the way angry and disappointed in you because you let them down by not meeting their unspoken expectations. Learn how to draw lines in the sand and stop yourself from wanting approval so badly that you'll do dang near anything for somebody else.

three When you get on a commercial airplane they always do this spiel about how if the plane's going down and you have a shorty with you, you should always put the oxygen mask on your face first. I think the logic here is that you'll be of no use to anybody if you die while trying to make sure they live. Make sure you take care of you first and everybody else right after that.

BONUS FOURTH THING If you think you need to climb up that tree, you'd best have a solid plan to get yourself back down. Don't be getting all skidgy and whiny once you get up there as high as you can go and be expecting somebody to help you get down. If you were able to get all the way up that tree, you can bet your bottom dollar that you'll get your own bad self back down. (This can be metaphorical and applied to any number of different things for the rest of your life.)

i believe in you & laugh a lot.

2010-11-10T09:04:00.000-08:00

Spot Peavey has been entertaining the digital masses for a while now. She has a sharp wit, some sharp claws and she's a screamer. She only dates dogs and brings an unusual but vital perspective to the business of being a good and happy human.

one After having watched you and your people for a while now, I gotta tell you that the most important thing I can tell you is this: Freakin' believe in yourself. For real. You are a Rock Star, my friend. You guys all seem to spend so much time thinking that you don't rock nearly enough, when you do.

two You have to lighten up. You guys are all so serious all the time. I get that you have concerns, births, illnesses, break-ups and hook-ups, deaths, taxes, wicked bad snarky people at work and school, but c'mon.... It's time to climb a tree or play an elaborate and well-crafted prank. I don't see you laughing enough. And, I know - I watch. It's what I do.

three When you remind people how smart or talented you are (or were) all the time, you come off as just being sad. Clearly, you are smart and talented. And, brave and funny and strong. So, stop reminding every person you come in contact with. It comes off as pathetic and tends to make the people who know you best, just feel a little sorry for you. Mind your arrogance because it makes you seem like you have no real sense of esteem. People who are really good don't need to tell anyone how good they are.

super-heros, sparkle & science

2010-10-27T09:49:00.000-07:00

Guest Blogger, Eric Klein likes to tell people that the photo he provided demonstrates his lifelong philosophy of embracing the opportunities that life has to offer and his commitment to finding the positives in every situation. But, if you ask his mama, she will insist that it illustrates his powerful hankerin' for birthday cake.

one No matter how spiffy you look with that bath towel (or bed sheet) tied around your neck super-hero style, it won't keep you from hitting the ground pretty hard when you jump off the roof of the tool shed. Trust me on this one. Someday, if you catch me on a good day, I'll show you the scar on my knee that proves it.

two I could tell by the sparkle in your eye that you weren't going to take my advice above. (Adults can always spot the troublemakers. I'd tell you the secret,but they would revoke my lucrative club benefits.) Now that I have your attention.. Boo-boos,owies,cuts,scrapes,bumps and bruises are an unpleasant fact of life. Nearly every one can be taken care of with a damp warm washcloth, a bandaid and in extreme cases, a Popsicle.

three There is undeniable healing power in the hugs and kisses of your family. Science has not completely unraveled the mystery yet, but current research suggests that the hugs and kisses of your family release a microscopic amount of a previously unknown element (unofficially known as snugglebugium). Hard data is scarce, but a wealth of anecdotal evidence suggests that exposure to snugglebugium leads to spontaneous happiness, increased feelings of safety and security, and may reduce the chance of contracting cooties. For best results, apply liberally.

making things and oatmeal

2010-10-20T07:50:00.000-07:00

one Make someone you love some thing. Make a blanket or a hat or some pickles or a Mixtape. Back in The Olden Days, when I was a kid, if somebody really liked you they made you a Mixtape full of their favorite songs or the songs that reminded them of you. Now people build Mix CDs (or play lists, maybe?) - but I think they come from that same place in the heart. When you really love someone (and sometimes if you just like them,) it's pretty easy to make them something that they may treasure to the end. You can do this. I know you. Just make stuff, and keep making stuff.

two Eat oatmeal. It's good for you and it's tasty and it's easy to deal with. You don't have to do it, like, every single day, but you ought to eat it a few times every week. Oh yea! And those envelopes of instant oatmeal, know that they are turbo-sweet. Use half an envelope of the flavored and half an envelope of the plain. You're just cutting the sweetness in half, you'll love it. Nobody needs that much sugar.

three Don't whine. Okay? Just don't do it. Nobody likes a whiner, really - nobody does. If you've got a big ol' bone about something, find that person who knows and loves you the best and get it out of your system. Then, LET.IT.GO. I'm serious here, baby: Whining can seriously jack up your place in the universe. It's larger than just the irritation it causes to those around you ~ It releases whiny energy that gets on others and in the air. I know it's sickeningly cliché, but: Be part of the solution NOT the problem. Anybody worth their salt has suffered and carries the scars to prove it. Now, get over it and move on, little doggie.

roosters, kilts and kitchens

2010-10-16T18:41:00.000-07:00

one Look out for the freakin' roosters by the front door. Even if they look like they are just hanging out (all casually,) pecking at food by the entrance ~ those turds are just jacking with you. Do not ever trust a rooster. Roosters will attack you. And, just as some kinda side-bar: If you should ever need a security animal, get a rooster. Those ill-tempered pikers will break some flesh and laugh about it with their posse. NEVER trust a rooster unless you want them to guard the entrance to the castle. I think they drink your whiskey when you go to sleep and they take your car out on country roads after midnight, but I couldn't be sure.

two If you are going to subscribe to Western Medicine, make sure you have insurance or a strong pool of patrons. It costs way too much to be healthy and stay alive in America. Mind your assets. Do NOT get cancer, heart disease or any one of the many long-term, slow-progression terminal diseases. For real. Don't do it. THINK.HAPPY.THOUGHTS. Don't get sick.

three Do not go into the kitchen if you can not handle the heat. It's hot in the kitchen, there are open flames and whatnot. This is as much metaphorical as it is realistic. I wouldn't open that door if I were you and didn't want to get all sweaty and hot. Unless, maybe you're good to go in there because you are starving to death. Otherwise, I would just wait for a sec....

pirates, olives and holidays

2010-10-13T18:47:00.000-07:00

one Halloween can be one of the coolest holidays of the year. Lean into it and treat it with Pirate-ish hands. Rough it up and have fun or make it some kind of statement about who you are and how you roll. Just have fun with Halloween, you can be anyone or anything you want to be. Autumn, all by itself, rocks all the way out loud - but to have a holiday where you get to dress up and people give you candy is just about too much to ask. Important side-bar: IF you live in a land where it could be cold or wet, do NOT (I repeat, DO NOT) think you can be a mummy wrapped in toilet paper. That was a really bad idea and I'm still sorry.

two When you're sitting at the Thanksgiving table, surrounded by your family and the people you love, with food that will fill your tummy and make you smile: Put a black olive on each one of your fingers and sing some kind of song like Pee-Wee Herman while you make your digits dance.

three Instead of getting all wound-up in what you want or what you think you will get for Christmas: Make it a habit to do random nice things for your people (or strangers) as often as you can. This Christmas-time can be a total butt-kicker and buzz-kill for a whole bunch of folks and it's a perfect time to brush up on your Random Acts of Kindness routine. It's all about how easily you can think of ways to make somebody else smile. Few things in the world rock as hard as seeing somebody break into a big ol' heartfelt smile - It's about a million times more satisfying than anything you can buy at Walmart.

whispers, ambitions & limitations

2010-10-10T22:25:00.000-07:00

one Know that every single person you meet has limitations. We all have some kind of Kryptonite that has the absolute and complete ability to undo us. (Total Sidebar: My Super Human Limitation is that I can get my feelings hurt at the drop of a hat. I can also be tricked way past comprehension, but that is only secondary to my stunning ability to get my feelings hurt. I also don't do blood very well, or injuries, or the pulling of the teeth thing.) Some people have limitations that make it impossible for them to read or do math, or interact within the boundaries of social context, or play drums. We all have limitations and it's your job to figure out what the people on your island do best and what they simply can't do at all. Do not expect your Court Jester to balance your books. Get real.

two Take care of your hearing. Those ears, (like your knees and hips,) are the only ones you are going to get and you would hate to miss a whisper. Sometimes the whispers are the best things you will ever hear. Take care of your ears like you do your back and heart. Wear ear protection if you're going to be operating anything with a 2 stroke engine (lawn mowers, chain saws, weed eaters, etc.) or if you even think you're going to be standing near a 20' tall wall of speakers at a concert.

three "Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great ones make you feel that you, too, can become great."

~ Mark Twain

Don't hang out with people who feel the need to out-do you at every turn. Don't run with the wolves how work too hard to build up their accomplishments and perceived success. We all succeed at and accomplish a whole bunch of things. The people who diminish your accomplishments, or try to make you feel smaller than you are, are only damaged freight; They have limitations that exceed your expectations, get over it.

practicalities times three

2010-10-05T18:46:00.000-07:00

one If you've got a little collection of food scraps for the compost pile: Take 'em out before the fruit flies hold a conference on your counter. If you are going to compost you are going to have to deal with it. I would recommend a cool counter-top compost bin.

two No matter how badly you want to stick your finger in a perfectly frosted cake - don't do it, it will make the baker mad. As soon as somebody gets a picture of it, it's open season. But, don't be messin' with the cake until you have clearance.

three Do your best to keep your most major hissy fits (aka: Conniption Fits) as private as possible. Everybody has hissies and they vary in size. Some are itsy-bitsy and others are gigantic. If you're going to go off the deep end, try not to get that on anybody. Some hissies are going to be so big that they'll be reclassified as "Personal Hurricanes" (or tsunamis.) There probably won't be many of those.

Make Like a Fireman!

2010-09-30T18:23:00.000-07:00

one You have more time than you think you do and probably less than you have planned. Don't be late. Spit spot. This is all that you have and you would be well-advised to embrace and laugh and drink plenty of water. I'd buckle up, too ... If I were you. We may experience a little turbulence.

two Always have a good pitch fork. Close tines and a long handle will get you out of almost any tight spot. Bend with your knees and grab from underneath. Brace yourself. Always. And, mind your back and shoulders...

three Do your best to eliminate your expectations. People will surprise you almost every time. Read Emerson's "Essay on Self Reliance" and learn to embrace you Inner-Limber. Bend and fold and don't hang your hat on anybody else's word. People make shit up and everybody has an agenda. Be skeptical and do your research.

Giant Snow Rabbits and Trees

2010-09-27T20:34:00.000-07:00

one If you want to feel gigantic, just sit in a chair and at a table built for a 4 year old. Drink from those teeny weeny skinny Chinese Coke cans and dramatically crush it when you've slammed the whole thing. Then you can belch like a professional eater and yell, 'I am a giant!!!"

two Learn to build something a little bit better than just a snowman out of good packing snow. Snowmen are cool, but Snow bunnies are better. Be creative and remember than you can make about anything out of snow. To that end: Have good gloves, keep your ears covered up and never forget that it takes a good team to pull off a spectacular snow something.

three Plant trees. Or, plant vegetables or flowers or shrubs or something. Don't ask me why, just do it. It's good for you if you learn how to do it right, and it's easy to learn how to do it right. It doesn't need to be huge, but you ought to start something from seed and watch it grow.

Happiness, Friends & Slumber

2010-09-13T02:16:00.000-07:00

one The Dalai Lama has been quoted saying that “The central method for achieving a happier life is to train your mind in a daily practice that weakens negative attitudes and strengthens positive ones.” Think happy thoughts and make the unhappy ones go away. In with the Einstein, out with the Hitler.

two Sleep tight and often. It's almost impossible to be happy when you are completely exhausted. Get your rest and you'll be happier. You'll look better too, so there's that. Just get your rest when you can.

three Have friends who are important to you. Cultivate those relationships and make sure they grow. Friends make you happier and they are like little love bombs adding to your radiance. Friends make this whole trip a lot more fun and you would be silly not to have some.

2010-08-25T03:05:00.000-07:00

one If you love someone - tell them. If you don't - don't say that you do. These are mighty powerful words and are not to be bandied about recklessly. Do not mistake love for ownership or need. It's one thing to love someone, and an entirely different thing to need them or feel like you own them. People will screw up because they are just human beings, and you will still love them. Do not make your love conditional on their ability to not disappoint you. And, if you love them - let them know. If you don't, don't say that you do.

two Make eye contact with people. It doesn't matter if it's someone who is getting you fries with that or someone who asks you to be home by midnight. Make eye contact, let whomever it is that you are dealing with know that you are engaged and listening. People who don't make eye contact are shifty and not to be trusted. Mind your trust - don't put it in places where it need not be. You don't have to hang with people who don't look you in the eyes - and don't be one of those people.

three Stomp in puddles of rain sometimes. Your clothes can be washed and your shoes will dry out. Stomping in puddles is kind of rewarding and can make you laugh. While doing this you can catch raindrops on your tongue. Don't rush so hard that you forget how good it feels to get some rain on you. Dance, spin and laugh at the possibilities while you stomp in puddles of rain sometimes.

Three Remedial Things: For Beginners

2010-08-08T14:01:00.000-07:00

one Always look both ways before you cross the street. Sometimes I still forget and this is totally not cool.

two Learn how to tell time on an old-fashioned clock. Old-fashioned clocks have hands that spin around and point to 12 different numbers. Don't be one of those kids who can't tell time.

three Don't let yourself get all stinky. If you can smell you - other people can smell you too. IF you have no sense of smell but you know that you busted a sweat, you probably ought to get cleaned up - just to be on the safe side. There are few things in the world as sweet smelling as a squeaky clean human.

Guest Blogger: Marlo V.2

2010-08-04T06:10:00.000-07:00

one Knees. You only get this pair. Well, technically, you can have surgery at some point to get others, but they won't work quite right. No matter how much you campaign, the doctors will install the "weather change prediction" feature in the knee, it will be painful, and you won't like it. Take care of your knees.

two Everybody farts. You know those people who seems to have everything under control all the time? Every hair is where it is supposed to be? They know exactly what to say and when to say it? They get really good grades and don't have to work for them? They're not as perfect as you think. Sometimes they feel sad and lonely. Sometimes they go to Pity City. Sometimes they're embarrassed. Sometimes their hair is out of place, sometimes they get pimples, and sometimes they feel lost. Sometimes they fart.

three You are not the refrigerator. This seems obvious, but at some point it will be important to remember. At some point, you will live with other people. People keep doing this even though people have a hard time living with people. You will eventually fight over things that are inconsequential, but during the fight these things will seem huge. Sometimes, during the fight, we have a hard time separating ourselves from the subject of the fight. So, maybe one person did a very nice thing in trying to organize the fridge, and the other person is grumpy because they can't find the mustard and they just want their sandwich because they are very hungry, and it blows up and both people have hurt feelings. Both people need to step back, and remember that they are not the refrigerator. This is shorthand for "you are more than your actions." And also, "you can fight about behaviors and still love the person." Sometimes you need an easy way to remember these things. You can substitute appliances as your need. Sometimes you'll need to remember that you're not the bathtub that you didn't clean because you had a big test that day, but the person you live with is upset because you said you'd clean it. Or,you'll need to remember that your father is not his accordion that he left on the stairs for you to fall over, again.

copyright 2010 moemasters/marlo hamrick

Life, Death & Nice-osity

2010-07-29T23:24:00.000-07:00

one It seems to me that the events in our lives are like the components of an algebraic equation. Each of these essential components influences the balance of the equation. Each event pushes or pulls us, away or towards, some resolution. And like algebra, or music, or language, life presents obstacles and opportunities. Those niggling devils: integers and exponents, eighth notes and harmonies, adjectives and participles, romances and heartbreaks, all converge to vex us or enlighten us. Unlike algebraic equations, there are no “correct solutions” to life. And the answers aren’t revealed in the appendix at the back of the textbook. We don’t get to know the answers. John Lennon said, “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” There are no other plans. Life is what happens, beware the distractions. They are but devils in your head.

two One of the bright sides of death is that it forces us to think about life. Our lives, the one's we love and the limited time we have...period. That is not a bad thing ~ It is just a wake-up. Like when you're at work and in the middle of a task and you catch yourself daydreaming. You shake yourself a bit and get back to the task. A death wakes us up to get back to the task of living. And it is a task. Believe me. Like the old saying, you gotta break a few eggs to make an omelet. We've been over this before. Death, loss, tragedy, accidents, disease, stubbed toes, flat tires, bad acid, dropped calls, bounced paychecks, broken hearts: are all reminders. Don't take anything for granted. Nothing is for sure. That means: for sure, you could end up with NOTHING. And you better be able to roll with that or your wheels may come off.

three Please be nice. Don't take your angst or frustration out on someone who didn't do anything mean to you. Everybody gets to have bad days and being mean is not going to make them any easier to live through. Treat other people like you would like to be treated.

I did not write all of this tonight and the party who did wishes to remain anonymous.
He is pretty brilliant though.
copyright 2010 moemasters/TheAntFarmer

Guest Blogger: Travis Bailey

2010-07-25T19:50:00.000-07:00

one Be extremely selective of the company you keep. Be friendly to everyone but friends with less. It's not arrogant or stuck-up. Be nice to everyone but don't be pulled down by people you should never be hanging out with.

two Always wish everyone the best. The person that just messed up your food order, be polite and don't make it a big deal. The person who always has negative comments whenever you tell them something, wish them the best and smile and hope they find a more positive outlook. The person who just ran into your brand new car, don't be mad, be kind and ask them to lunch after its all sorted out. Don't let how others treat you be any influence on how you should treat others. Don't let people walk all over you, but beyond that, wish everyone the best, even ones that most people feel don't deserve it. No matter how impolite or mean or selfish a person is, remember that that is their problem, don't let it influence who you want to be, how you want to act.

three "Don't raise your voice. Improve your argument." - Desmond Tutu. Obviously, that's not my quote - but I feel the same. You'll never see me curse, yell, get angry... ever. It might be the Mennonite upbringing, I'm very logic driven, or how I was raised at home...or a combination of those.

I have not yet met Travis in person, but have grown to admire both him and his work. The picture below is his work, his art and what comes out of the end of his fingers. This is not a photograph and this is exactly what my friend Rachel (his wife) looks like.

Singing Chair Tippers & Spiders

2010-07-22T11:54:00.000-07:00

one Sing out loud. Even if you can not carry a tune with handles - sing out from time to time. If you are an awful singer (which I'd imagine you are not) then keep it in the car or in the shower. Nobody else will hear you and it's all good. Sing, baby - Just sing. Sing out loud and sing it like you mean it.

two Don't tip back in your chair like that! Those legs are going to snap and you're gonna go down like a bag of cheap flour and you could break your neck and die like my third cousin once removed, Johnny Ray. He was only 14... had his whole life ahead of him....
OR: Your grandfather worked 19 weeks one year to buy those chairs from the Sears catalog and I'm not about to let you tear them up like that, and look what you're doing to that wall. Don't tip back in the chairs, please.

three Don't freak out about spiders - seriously, they are not that big of a deal. Cowboy up. On relatively rare occasions they may pose a threat to your well-being, but ... chill. Have you EVER known anyone to be bitten by a Brown Recluse while they were just sitting there watching?
Huh uh, I so don't think so.
Those vengeful weenies strike when people sleep. It will either happen or not. Be aware, and pay attention - and breathe through it - mind your movements. Imagine how freaked-out they are by your very size! When you freak, it makes them freak... just chill.
Do look out for those jumping Wolf Spiders though, baby. Those guys are intense and without my glasses on, they look a lot like something I must get really close to and pick up.

So totally not cool.

Flying insects are an entirely different ballgame and they deserve their own space, we'll talk about them later.

copyright 2010 moemasters

Guest Blogger: Marlo Hamrick

2010-07-17T13:54:00.000-07:00

one There is always another option. There will be times when you think you're stuck forever. There will be times you think things are set and there is nothing that can change the course. There is always another option. There's always another choice. When you think your back is against the wall and the only way out is the one you see in front of you, you're only seeing part of the picture. If you turn your head you'll see another way, or there will be a hole in the wall you can climb through or a ladder to the roof. You aren't trapped. You have another option. And sometimes you need people you love to help you see what the other option is. There will be another option.

two Make things. Make music. Make art. Make waffles. Make clothes. Just make: Something. As humans, we have a need to complete something. We like to feel accomplished. Making things meets this need. It is easier than getting a degree or climbing a mountain, though these accomplishments are good too. Keeping your hands busy keeps you out of trouble, calms your mind, and keeps you from getting Alzheimer's. Things you make will last longer than things you buy. Supplies to make things are fairly cheap, especially if you factor in that you get to enjoy the making of the item, and then get to enjoy the item itself. It doesn't matter what you make. Make whatever makes your heart flutter. But, make things.

three Pity City: There are no houses there, just hotels. Sometimes things don't go right. Sometimes things are lousy. There are times to be sad and times to cry. But, those times don't last. You can't mope forever. When things are lousy, you're allowed to go to Pity City. There are parties there, but they're not much fun. As we've seen: there are only hotels in Pity City. You can't move there. While you're there, you're allowed to wallow and sit in the feeling-bad-feeling. Just remember the slogan of the town: "Pity City: A nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there!"

Marlo and my son, JT, went to school together at East High in the International Baccalaureate program. I got to meet her when she was still a baby and then many years later, I got to meet her dad as he rose quickly to the top of the Accordion Players Pool in Wichita, KS. The Hamrick family has brought much goodness to this world and I am honored to get to share some of that.

copyright 2010 moemasters/marlohamrick

Tight spots, kindness and do-overs.

2010-07-16T19:56:00.000-07:00

first If you're not sure about something, but you're in a tight spot: Make it up. I know, I know... this flies in the face of convention, but for real: IF, per chance, you were in a place where you needed to disarm a bomb to prevent a whole bunch of people from dying ... and they all were counting on you (and there were orphan babies, elderly nuns and rainbow colored unicorns) .... don't you think you would just do the very dang best you could and hope to God it worked out fine? Seriously. Just always defer to that instinct that tells you that you are not going to die. You can do this. Whatever "This" is - you can do it. See yourself doing this. Even if you've never done this before - You are smart. Do this. Have conviction and be passionate. Do it all the way or don't do it at all. I'm a big fan of "do it all the way...."

Just for the record.

second Always be kinder than is necessary. I have told you all of this before, but please remember to stand up tall, make eye contact and do whatever the social circumstance dictates. If someone wants to shake hands then shake hands. If it's time for a Man-Hug or some funky shoulder-fist bump combination - then do that. Just be there all the way or don't be there at all. Seriously. I ask so little. Engage people and don't be all afraid, and be smart enough to not look for trouble.

(Disclaimer: All of this advice does not apply outside the Midwest where people can be like feral cats and prey upon your kindness and naivete. It especially does not apply in Paris, London and New York.)

You have common sense - use it.

third You can always start over. For the most part, anyway. Tenacity and the ability to see it through (Whatever "It" is) are noble and imperative to a well-lived life, and, baby: Choose which mountain you want to die on. Some battles are just not going to be worth the energy spent to fight them. Always give it your best shot, always play through the pain and please learn early how to cut your losses. You need not hitch your wagon to sinking stars and you will always deserve more and better. Only move forward and up.

Up, always up.

Don't make me tell you twice.

Secrets, habits & stuff

2010-07-15T07:51:00.000-07:00

uno Try to not have secrets. If anybody says, "Don't tell anybody this..." then that probably means it's not cool. Unless it's a surprise party, or PostSecret (or maybe if you're punking someone in a good way) - then ... well, that's totally cool. But, in general, if someone tells you not to tell anybody this - it is not a good thing. It is triple turbo-uncool if a grown-up tells you this and it makes you feel creepy. You'll know the creepy feeling when it hits, if you ever have to. It's there, you'll just feel it. If it gives you the eeby-jeebies, then tell another grown-up, don't hold it in.

dos Make your bed and put your stuff away where it belongs. Don't even ask me for all the reasons this is a good thing, just trust me. Doing these two things, and making them part of your every single day, will make you happier and less harried. Just make your bed every morning before you leave for the day and put your stuff away. It's not like I'm asking you to dig trenches. It would be nice if you could learn to do those "hospital corners" though....
I'm just sayin' ...

tres Know that buying stuff and owning more and more stuff is never going to make you happier. You are sufficiently happy as you are, and buying and owning all that stuff is not going to fill whatever holes you may have in your soul. Get what you need, get some of what you like and then stop. Buy meals with your family or buy an adventure to the country, but stop buying stuff already. This is crazy.

Remember to buy American made when and where ever possible. Trust me ~ This matters.

Going, hearing and getting small

2010-07-14T06:59:00.000-07:00

one Never miss the opportunity to pee. You may not think you have to go, and you may really not have to go, but if you missed, like, the last opportunity and your day is scheduled up tight with stomping out fires or road-trips - you will be one sorry child if you know that you could have gone but didn't. Just try.
(Props to my friend Jody for reminding me of this)

two Pay attention to what you hear. Listen to people speak and get to know the sounds that surround you and their effect on your well-being. To that end: Get out of the city as often as you can. Parks can tide you over, but get all the way out of the city to a place where you don't even feel the city vibe. Then, listen to what you hear there.

three If you ever want to feel really small: Put on some gigantic clothes and shoes. Try and find something absurdly huge and wear it as an accessory. How ever it works out best for you, but it's a nice quick fix to the "Do these jeans make my butt look big" blues ... just find a pair of gigantic shoes or a nicely-pressed button-down-the-front crisp cotton shirt that is about 2 sizes too big. It never fails to make me feel small.

Laptops, pajamas and moments

2010-07-12T19:30:00.000-07:00

pierwszy If you have a laptop that is being more than just a little warm to the touch, on the bottom - it's time to invest in some good Blue Ice packs. I would love to imagine a world where laptops don't overheat, but I don't see it on the immediate horizon. So, learn how to cool it down and not jack-up your laptop. Wrap some blue ice in a bandana or something, and place it under the machine where it feels the hottest. Those little fans, so far - for me, have been over-priced junk. But, again, maybe there in the future you guys have worked out the kinks. If not: Cool it down and keep it dry. Move it often and work by a good window fan.

drugi People don't really wear their pajamas out in public. I know you may have seen some people do it, but for real, baby. If you've got the energy to leave the house, you've got the energy to put on some clothes. I'd rather not see you in your PJs, out of your house, unless you are fleeing some kind of life-threatening disaster. When you are still a kid it's okay to wear them to the drive-in with your parents, but that's about it.

trzeci Squeeze the life out of every single moment. We are all only given so many of them and they are crazy-fragile. Seriously. Some are gonna rock, some are gonna rock less - but, be all up in it as much as you can. You never know when one of those magic moments is going to happen - it'd sure be a shame to miss it. We only get so many, y'know?

Engage. Be engaged. Be engaging. Ask questions.

Lights, nails and smackers

2010-07-11T18:55:00.000-07:00

egy Please turn off the lights behind you.
For real.
If you are leaving the room, the lights do not need to be on. And, why (on earth) would you even turn on lights when you've got a good south window? Pay attention to the tax you place on The Grid. Our grid, here in America in 2010, is seiously in need of repair and/or replacement.

Were it only that we weren't distracted by the bright and shiny things (like making enough money to feed our families and keep them under a roof) - we would be able to stare at this for what it is. We would then be able to build the resolve that will be necessary for us to get current and re-think the way we all find our power. Mind your consumption, baby.

Turn off the lights, for Pete's sake.

két Boys: Learn to keep your hands well manicured. Seriously. There are few things as creepy as a guy with long fingernails. Ick. Uber-ick. Nail biters: STOP it! That is so unbecoming and you are MUCH bigger than whatever it is that is making you bite your nails. Pay attention to your hands - people see 'em.

három No body should ever hit you. IF somebody somehow slips by your extremely well-honed and smart spidey-sense instinct, and makes their way close enough to hit you: Call the police. For real. NO hitting. (Shaking, smacking, kicking, biting, scratching or shoving.)
Ever. No matter what.
Zero tolerance on this one, baby.

Stuck faces, handshakes and kindness

2010-07-07T00:20:00.000-07:00

innanzi tutto

Your face, really, could get stuck like that. When you make an especially disagreeable face - it sticks with you. Seriously, just go somewhere that is thick with people and watch them. Look at the older ones - you can tell who is a malcontent and who is generally happy. My grandmother always told me this when I made my unhappy face, and she wasn't lying. It's not like I'm asking you to always keep a smile on your face, but watch the squenching up of your eyebrows and the depth of your frown. That stuff sticks after a while and you can never get rid of it.

in seguito

Hug people when you feel like it, but always shake a hand that is extended to you. There is no more sure-fire way to show your disdain for a person than to decline a handshake. Learn how to shake hands, make eye-contact and take the minute or two necessary to demonstrate your ability to be here now AND be here now nicely.

più recente

When someone says "Good Morning" to you (or good afternoon, or whatever) your job is to respond in kind. When you don't answer them or just stare at them and walk by ~ it makes them feel bad and probably, over time, will make them dislike you. (Okay, truth is: FOR sure they will not be one of your fans after about two of these.) It's rude. Don't pretend like you didn't hear it (when it's common knowledge that you can hear a whispered conversation from two rooms away, you've already blown your cover) and don't try to escape quickly and avoid eye-contact. If you're having a bad day, get over it or don't leave your home. There is no excuse for rudeness.

Youth and Beauty

2010-07-05T00:57:00.000-07:00

primeiro Do not let your youth and beauty be wasted on you. Look at you! For real! You are fantastically beautiful (inside and out) and you're brave and strong and funny and smart. Never forget these things. Your youth is not measured by years and months, but by joy and curiosity. And, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, baby - your inner sunshine speaks volumes about who you are - never forget this. You are exactly as young as you want to be (or as old) and your beauty is far greater than you may ever know.

seguinte Empty the litter box before the house smells bad. I recommend this ONLY if you have a cat. If you don't have a cat, but you do have a litter box, well... that's just plain weird. Don't have litter boxes hanging around for no reason. If you have a cat who uses a litter box - don't expect the cat to deal with it. Seriously, that is simply not in their little cat contracts and they don't have thumbs. They would make an awful mess of it, anyways.
That aroma de gato can be a nasty slice of life that you may not notice, but I can guarantee that somebody else walking in your home will make note of.

pasado Always allow for the possibility that you may be wrong. About anything. About everything. There is just a chance you are not always right and the sooner you know this, the sooner you can avoid looking like an arrogant self-righteous weenie. You may think you know something or everything about something, but you probably don't, so exercise a little humility and learn to use the little governor in your head before you say things out loud.

SUMMER SCHOOL! BooYA!

2010-07-03T22:42:00.000-07:00

primer

Do NOT marry anyone until you have seen how they treat people in the service industry. You really don't want to hook-up with anyone who treats waiters/waitresses poorly. For real. This matters. Do not hang with "finger snappers" or snots. If they have never waited tables or hosted or cooked or massaged anyone... and they don't know what it takes to make other people happy - give them a Get Out Of Jail Free card and let them go. Grab a taxi and run. If they snap their fingers and get snarky: Take what's behind Door Number Three instead of more time with them. Choose anything other than that. Do what you can to make sure they OVER-tip when warranted.

segon

If you love someone, learn how to tickle their back. Or, learn how to do whatever it is that makes them make the "O" face. It's about a whole lot more than just that one thing. Spooning is a gateway hug and can amount to a whole lot more than you may think. You love someone? Learn what blows the wind up their skirt and get good at it. Then, spend the rest of your life perfecting it. Get good, and practice, practice, practice.

tercera

Should you ever stay over-night at a friend's house: Leave a nice little sumptin sumptin behind. You can leave a "Thank You" card or you can Bedazzle their mailbox - it really doesn't matter all that much. Represent. Make sure you leave them something special to let them know how much you appreciate their hospitality. Memorize the serendipity of surprise. Everybody loves a good surprise. Seriously. SAY THANK YOU.

Don't make me turn this car around.

Share the love, baby.

Summer Vacation Break

2010-06-25T10:15:00.000-07:00

Will be now taking a break to make you miss them even more.

During this break, I would encourage you to think about what you've read and draw your own conclusions.

You have a good strong brain in there, and I know you know how to use it.

When these things come back, they make look a little different.

I'd, for sure, check back in soon and she how they look in some different jeans.... maybe a new button-down the front shirt...

Probably new, good and supportive shoes.

We'll have warm brownies and cold iced tea.

A Fine June Morning for 3 More

2010-06-24T07:32:00.000-07:00

esimene Listen to Public Radio and watch Public Television (if you’re going to watch any TV at all, which I’m still not completely sold on.) When you enjoy the wide array of goodness these two public media services give you and they are having a pledge drive: Give them money! Seriously. Don’t make me tell you twice. They depend on your generosity to keep them going.

teine Avoid shopping at “Big Box” stores like Wal-mart and Best Buy if you can. There is a greater chance than not that they will be still selling junk produced by underpaid slaves in third world countries when you are an adult, and you should try not to support that economy. Be a smart consumer and do your research, plan ahead, do whatever it takes to avoid becoming one of the masses that only shops these places. I don’t care if their prices ARE better - it is better for you and the universe at large to not save those few pennies and go elsewhere.

kolmas Stay young for as long as you can. Maintain relationships with people who are younger than you. And, not just a couple years younger than you, but 10 years, 20 years, 40 years younger than you. Nurture these relationships and spend time sharing words and meals with these young whippersnappers. The perspective they provide and the sparks they ignite are specific to their youth. By getting to share time with them, you will get to stay closer to your youthfulness. They serve as constant reminders that we are only as old as we allow ourselves to be. As soon as you stop allowing yourself to be old, you get to stop being old. It rocks that way.

Momo Phones One In

2010-06-23T14:32:00.000-07:00

pertama Just because there is a little bit of green mold on the bread you do not have to throw the whole loaf away. Cut off the green part, toast it up a smidge, slather it in butter and a good home-made jam and call it good. That's what my grandma always told me, anyways.

kedua Don't kill frogs or toads if you can avoid it. I used to know boys who did this when I was a kid and it still bothers me. If they are a nuisance just relocate them. They are a blast to catch (they will probably pee on you and I'm sorry about that, but it's not the end of the world) and they take to identity reassignment much easier than, say, possums and squirrels.

ketiga Try to avoid doing all your heavy lifting and hard working right smack dab in the middle of a steamy hot day. Get up early and tend to your chores or hit them just as the sun is setting. This is strictly a summer suggestion, as you can pretty much work like crazy any old time in the winter.

Quiet Walks to the Masseuse

2010-06-22T07:41:00.000-07:00

eerste Learn to retreat and spend time with yourself in peace. Meditate. Think about it. Spend a few hours (or days) not speaking or writing. Be still enough for everything within you to percolate and solidify. It will happen, I promise. It's a bit like an extended version of a "Time Out" chair. My adults always said something to the effect of, "You just go and think about what you've done." This is a kinder version of that.

Love yourself enough to sit and be quiet with you. Just you. When you're doing it right and you've run out of things to think about (which you will) - you will think about nothing, and man, I swear, this is some good stuff. I love it when I hit the thinking about nothing place in my head. It's far too rare for me and I wish better for you. Practice this and get good at it.

tweemaal Never underestimate the restorative powers of a good walk. A walk with a friend, a walk with just yourself, a walk to someplace or a walk to nowhere - walks are just some really cool things. Wear good shoes, too. You'll find this is a reoccurring theme with me: Those are the only feet you are going to get, you had best take care of them.

derde If your knees hurt when you bend to lift a 1-ton stone, stop doing that. If it hurts your body to do something, then stop it. Don't do it. Learn your limitations. Pain is our body's way of telling us that we're not doing something right. Pay attention to it and never let it get worse if you can avoid it. Sometimes you may just need a massage too, we will discuss this soon.

Tuquoise colored island economics

2010-06-21T09:20:00.000-07:00

першы You don't have to know how to do everything. You should, however, surround yourself with people who have skills you don't have. It would be helpful if everybody on your little island did not agree on every single thing, as well. It makes for a fatter and richer pool of ideas from which to draw. Build a life that is full to the brim with differences. Always keep a good geek, a good cook and try to have scare up an empath from somewhere.

другі If wearing the color turquoise makes your eyes more blue: Wear the color turquoise. Learn what colors look good on you and which ones don't. Very few humans can pull off bright orange, just so you know. And, an all black wardrobe does not the happy closet make. Wear some color, for Pete's sake!

трэці Learn about finance. All kinds of finance. I totally slept through this class (that was just a euphemism, I never even got the chance to take a course in Finance or Economics.) That being said: I really hope you do. You need to understand not only your own personal economy, but the gigantic great big economy that impacts your life, as well. You also need to learn how to balance a checkbook and not spend money that you don't have.

copyright 2010 moemasters

Voting, deal breakers and text books.

2010-06-20T00:10:00.000-07:00

Voting is as much a privilege as it is an obligation. IF you have the opportunity to cast your vote, you'd best do it. Should you choose NOT to exercise this privilege, you will never ever be able to complain about the state of the nation or the state of your state or the state of your county. I know I keep telling you that THIS really matters, but for real: THIS really matters.

Everybody has got a "Deal Breaker" or two. There are just some things that we (subject entirely to personal taste, expectations and needs) will not be able to tolerate in other human beings. These things will evolve as you age. Do not compromise on what you will and will NOT tolerate. For instance: you could be the cutest, smartest, bravest boy in the world, but if you smell like a 30 year old goat who has been in the sun too long - we probably won't be sharing many meals. THAT is one of my deal breakers.

You are under no obligation to trust what you read in your textbooks in schools. Remember how I told you to be judicious about what you see on the Internet? Well, now I have to tell you to take everything you are forced to read in school with a grain of salt. We are all the products of revisionist history. Do your research and make up your own mind based on the facts that you can find. Try to avoid jumping to hasty conclusions.

Green Eyed Monsters who talk too long and The IRS

2010-06-18T22:02:00.000-07:00

one You should never ever ever, under any circumstance, expose yourself to a friend or lover who demonstrates jealous tendencies. Ever. Not ever, not for one minute and not for any reason. There is not now, and there never will be any good reason to try and maintain a relationship with someone who snoops through your cell phone and questions your loyalty. You should never have to listen to endless hours of unreasonable accusations founded on absolutely no truth. There is no room for jealousy in a healthy life and/or relationship. Should you accidentally find yourself in this position - run as far away and as fast as you possibly can. Don't even take the time to collect your things and do not ever look back. Really good humans don't torture other good humans this way and it is a sign of sickness that you should never have to help someone work through.

two Do not use 100 words when 10 will do. I still do this entirely too much (see the above paragraph, for instance.) I'm not suggesting a form of self-censorship that prevents you from being real or expressing yourself well - just don't be that person who could have stopped talking (or writing) much sooner.

three Remember this: Do NOT jack with the IRS. While I've never had to learn this one first hand - I've heard some seriously whack stories and I had a lifetime of watching a man think he could out-smart the IRS. It's never going to happen. The IRS is perhaps one of the most serious entities here in America and they have an uncanny ability to make your world a pretty unpleasant place to be if you try to deny them their slice of your pie.

(And, yes - I know you are just a baby. But this one seems to matter so I'm telling you now.)

Free money, dogs and doing it.

2010-06-18T08:48:00.000-07:00

uno There is a chance I may have mentioned this before, but it bears repeating if so: IF you say you are going to do something, then do it. No excuses. Nobody held a gun to your head (or only very very rarely) and made you agree to it, so be good to your word. If you say you are going to be there at noon, be THERE at noon. Business or pleasure, friends or appointments: Do what you say you are going to do and do it when you say you are going to. If you are running late, or need to reschedule they have invented these groovy awesome things called telephones - use one.

dos Pets are a luxury and not a necessity. If you don't have the coin to keep your bills current, your family fed and your obligations met - you have no business owning a pet. I know that we have recently covered the responsibilities involved in pet ownership, and I would hope you haven't forgotten that part. IF I start to think you've forgotten: I will remind you. Often.

tres Don't spend your change - save it. If you even still bank with actual currency by the time you are old enough to understand this, and you buy things with dollar bills (or Euros or whatever) keep your spare change in a bowl or jar or something in your bedroom. Those coins add up quick and it really is like finding money that you never thought you had. Even though you earned it at one time, when you cash it in at the bank - it feels like you've won the lottery.

You and your nutty opportunities....

2010-06-17T03:42:00.000-07:00

primer Some things don't work out like they should. Sometimes it is nobody's fault and there is nothing that could have been done to change that. It is important to learn how to get back up and dust yourself off. Place no blame, that's not your job. Carry on and be calm. Let the past stay in the past and let the beauty of the lessons it taught you never be wasted.

This, my love, is just life.

segon Worrying about the future is not going to change it. The future will be what the future will be and you worrying about it isn't going to change it one iota. Stay as firmly planted in the "Present" as you can. Always make provisions and do no harm, and I would about guarantee that your future will be so bright, you'll have to wear sunglasses.

tercera You have more opportunities than anyone who has ever come before you. Do not look this gift horse in the mouth. Never forget the battles that were won prior to your arrival. They are the stones that have built the path you get to walk upon. Keep them in good order and build on to them for those who will follow.

Seriously swearing bananas

2010-06-16T10:13:00.000-07:00

isa In spite of the fact that I have personally taken home the Gold in the last 4 Winter Olympic Swearing Like a Sailor floor routines, I would ask that you find better ways to express yourself. To that end I would like to humbly submit some of my favorites: Holy Cannoli! Shazam! (NEVER: Oh, SNAP! That is soo SOOO last year.) Son of a biscuit! ... I've heard that used to good effect. There really is a time and place for everything, but don't swear if you can avoid it.

dalawa Don't take yourself so seriously. We are all just humans with about the same basic limitations. A life lived without a LOT of humor really just isn't worth living. Cultivate the ability to laugh at yourself and some of the really silly things you do. We all do silly things and too much seriousness will age you way too quickly (and kinda make you look like a turd.)

tatlo Eat bananas. They are good for you and they are some of the tastiest of the fruits. They travel almost as well as apples and oranges too, so they got that going for 'em. It's never a bad idea to have a banana on-hand. You never know when you are going to get hungry.

Addendum: Do NOT ever try to cross borders of different counties with fruit in your knapsack. I'll tell you a story about it sometime, but for reasons that I don't fully understand, countries frown upon you taking their fruit to other countries.

Duplicity, Fairy Tales and Writing

2010-06-15T13:02:00.000-07:00

first Mind yourself when it comes to committing your words to writing or digital publication (facebook posts and emails, for instance.) It's one thing to think it, it's another to say it aloud, but when you preserve a special piece of poison to the confines of eternity by writing it down or posting it online, it CANNOT EVER be undone and writing it down makes it real. Mind what you write.

And, just for a little unsolicited insight into me, JUST me: If you ever sent me a hateful or painful piece of correspondence, I know exactly where it is and will provide it the very instant you deny ever having sent it. I'm just sayin'...

second It is not now, nor will it EVER be, your job to take another person's personal inventory. Walk away from being judgmental. Do not stare directly into it. Back in the good old days of Bible Fairy Tales, you would turn to stone or salt - but, we apparently don't roll this way anymore. So lets do it this way: You worry about you and the plethora of things in and about you that could easily benefit from revision, and you let other people worry about themselves. It will always be a lot more fun to try and fix others, but a lot more rewarding and practical to turn that energy inside. Avoid the temptation.

third Make sure your friends and family know that you love them (if you do, and you don't have to, but just in case you do...) Make it a point to be sure they know it. Do not be so duplicitous as to shout from the mountaintops that you are all about the Honor of Family or the value in environmental responsibility and then spend no energy making it apparent.

I know you know what I mean.

Old friend, role models and allowance

2010-06-14T08:08:00.000-07:00

начало Cultivate friendships with people older than you. You don't really need to jump right on this one as a child, but as soon as you're able to actually understand a lot of the things you see and hear - it's a great idea to get someone in your corner who understands it better than you. This is not a Universal Truth, I've met way too many extremely limited older folks, but in general, if you get to build a friendship with someone 20 years older than you, do it.

секунда Be cautious about who you choose to look at as a role model. Some people are capable of doing some pretty horrendous things to other people in the name of "love" or "friendship." And, it's not always going to be easy to spot them, but pay attention to the humans you think you want to grow up and be.

терция There is a cliche or a colloquialism or something that says, "What you allow, you teach." This one is important: IF you allow people to treat you like a lesser human, they will learn that the only way to treat you is like a lesser human. I have given you a solid foundation here, built on things that I have mostly screwed up - THIS is my biggest one. I have allowed some heinous stuff. I would really hope that you won't. Never forget your back-bone and your seriously sharp and real "Spidey Senses." Pay attention to your intuition and instinct.

Old drivers speaking Latin and going to church

2010-06-13T15:57:00.000-07:00

primoris Try to avoid taking attitude with older and less-attentive drivers. They are going exist, they may make you late to something that probably doesn't matter all that much anyway, but they've paid their dues. Just breathe through it. Don't be going all road-rage-y on them.
Addendum: Feel free to flip off and honk at any younger, totally inattentive and dangerous drivers. But, be careful - some of these morons pack heat.

duo Learn enough Latin to help you understand the origins of the words we use here in English speaking countries. This ability will also help greatly where they speak French, German or Spanish. I'm not asking you to find a prehistoric relic to grill you on subjective forms and passive tenses, I'm just asking that you take a minute and learn a little Latin.

obduro Don't think that just because some people attend churches or synagogues or temples they have any kind of stronger moral integrity than you or anybody else. Attending church doesn't make you a good person any more than parking in a garage makes you a car.

(And, yes - I borrowed this idea from some silly facebook thing.)

The Weight of Scars

2010-06-11T21:06:00.000-07:00

kwanza Anybody worth their salt has got some great scars. Not bruises. Not welts. Not black eyes and broken noses. Great scars.

pili Nobody's scars weigh more than anybody else's scars. The pain that we have all gone through - the pain that has shaped the directions we have taken and things we have survived - be it rapes, deceased children or murdered kittens - all weigh exactly the same in the end. This is subjective and not up for debate.

tatu The commonalities that make us family don't define us. We get to have huge disagreements on very fundamental things with people who we love and need. The people who are the most important to us, and will REMAIN the most important to us, are the ones who we CAN disagree with, find forgiveness in and love unconditionally.

strangers, parents & poison

2010-06-11T06:59:00.000-07:00

one Thumper's mom once said "If you can't say anything nice, then say nothing at all." And, at this point in the game, I couldn't agree more. I would even add an amendment that goes something like this: If you find that most of the pearls falling from your lips are wrapped in poison - quit talking. Every little bit of bad energy you spill on the planet leaves a trace. Some people are exceptionally sensitive to these "traces" and the poison you've left spinning about can actually make them sick. Consider your words carefully.

two When you're out in the world making your way from birth to death, you will, on occasion, see a stranger who just needs to tell somebody something. They are generally easy to spot, and you have been given two beautiful ears and two strong shoulders, share them with the lonely and broken-hearted when you know it's the right thing to do. This doesn't mean you have to take them home, but if they are so lonely as to talk to strangers - they must need it pretty bad.

three Be good to your parents. They will never be around as long as you think they might and you will miss them when they are gone. Don't add regret to the mix - be kind to them while they are alive.

Walking, Borrowing and Forgiving

2010-06-10T09:08:00.000-07:00

jedan Take walks in the rain after midnight sometimes if you ever get the chance. This action is greatly enhanced by doing so with someone who cares about you, but it's not entirely necessary. There's something to the sounds and the smells...

dva Be good to yourself. Take care of your spirit and humor because nobody else is going to. This could be one of the only things you HAVE to do besides keep on living. Learn to forgive yourself for the things you have done and learn to make amends to those you have harmed. These are both critical to taking good care of yourself and your spirit.

tri NEVER EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE OWE ANYBODY MONEY. This one matters: Do NOT borrow money. For real. This is one of the purest forms of soul-suckery. The minute you owe somebody something - they own your soul. You are clever and smart and talented enough to always find some way to meet your own needs.